Who should be on your personal board of directors?

Before a big decision, write down the six people whose judgment you would trust, then check how many of them you have ever asked for anything more than small talk. That list is the seed of a personal board of directors, and the questions below cover how to turn it into something useful.

What is a personal board of directors?

It is a small, deliberately chosen group of four to six people whose judgment you consult on major decisions about your work, money and direction. Unlike a company board, it has no votes, no legal power and no meetings you have to hold together. Each member is a separate relationship, and you are the only person who sees all of the advice at once.

Where does the idea come from, and is there research behind it?

The phrase is a popular career-advice metaphor, and I could not trace it to a single coiner. The research under it is sturdier. In 2001, Monica Higgins and Kathy Kram published “Reconceptualizing Mentoring at Work: A Developmental Network Perspective” in the Academy of Management Review (vol. 26, no. 2), arguing that people are developed by a set of relationships rather than one mentor, and that those sets differ in diversity and tie strength.

In 2015, Yan Shen, Richard Cotton and Kathy Kram wrote “Assembling Your Personal Board of Advisors” in MIT Sloan Management Review. Their typology of six advisor types came from interviews with 64 expatriates, a study of 176 hall of fame induction speeches and a survey of 315 alumni, and it concludes that one full-service mentor rarely covers everything. Herminia Ibarra and Mark Lee Hunter’s 2007 Harvard Business Review article “How Leaders Create and Use Networks” makes a related argument that leaders need contacts who supply support, feedback and insight, and that busy people tend to treat that work as a luxury.

Who belongs on a board of four to six?

Five seats cover most situations, and a sixth is optional.

• The person ahead. Someone five to ten years further along a path you want, who remembers what the middle felt like. If you are stuck at a skill plateau, this seat is the one to fill first, and why you stop improving explains why.
• The peer. Someone at your level facing similar problems, who will tell you what they tried last week rather than what worked a decade ago.
• The skeptic. Someone who disagrees with you by temperament, and whose objections you can survive. Their job is to find the hole in the plan before the plan costs you money.
• The connector. Someone who knows many people and enjoys introducing them. They rarely give the best advice, but they often know who does.
• The one who knows you at your worst. Someone who saw you fail, panic or sulk and stayed. They can say “you do this when you’re scared” with authority nobody else has.

A sixth seat can go to someone outside your field entirely, such as a nurse, a carpenter or a retired teacher, because a stranger to your industry asks the questions insiders stopped asking.

Should my closest friends be on the board?

One or two, at most. Your closest people are strong on the “worst” seat and weak on candor, because they are invested in keeping the friendship comfortable. Robin Dunbar’s research on layers of friendship (the inner ring is roughly five people) suggests that you only have a handful of such relationships to spend, and this breakdown of Dunbar’s circles shows what each ring needs from you. Fill the rest of the board from the next ring out, where people still care but are less afraid of your reaction.

How do you ask someone to join?

Ask for a specific conversation about a specific decision, and let the relationship grow from there. “Could I have 30 minutes to run a decision past you?” works better than “Will you be my mentor?”, which asks for open-ended commitment from someone who may not know what you want. Come with the decision written out, the options you are weighing and the one thing you are least sure about. People say yes to a clear question far more often than to an invitation to take on a project.

After the first conversation, report back on what you did with the advice. The follow-up is what turns a favor into a relationship, and it gives them a reason to enjoy the next call.

How often should the board meet?

Individually, once a quarter is a workable rhythm for most seats, with the peer closer to monthly and the connector only when you need an introduction. A full-board meeting is unnecessary, and getting six calendars to line up would kill the idea within a season. If you want a group format with real regularity, a different structure does it better, and Benjamin Franklin’s Junto is the classic example of a standing peer circle.

Before each conversation, bring one question. Boards fail mostly because people show up with a general wish for guidance, which gives the other person nothing to answer. A reasonable ceiling is two or three live decisions per year that warrant the whole board’s input, and this take on goal focus can help you pick which ones those are.

How is a board different from an accountability partner?

A board gives counsel, and counsel is about what to do. Whether you did it is a different job. Advisors hear about your progress only through what you tell them, and they have no way to check, which is why a closest friend is often a poor witness of your follow-through. If you ask a mentor to police your behavior, you turn a source of judgment into a source of pressure, and you may stop telling them the truth.

Keep the two roles apart. Use the board for the decision, and use something that sees the result for the action; some people split the work with a group chat with defined roles, while others use an alarm like DontSnooze, which asks for a short video to prove you’re up and sends a random camera-roll photo to friends you chose if you miss it. Advice on getting up at 5 a.m. is cheap, and the alarm is the part that checks.

What are the limits of a board?

It cannot do the work, and it cannot supply motivation you don’t have. It also reflects the people you could reach, so a board built from people who look like you will give you advice that looks like you. Review it once a year: swap out anyone whose life has drifted from yours, and add the voice you keep wishing you had heard before your last decision. For a related approach to getting more from the people already around you, see how accountability circles run.